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WOW That’s Funny Stuff

4 Apr

After Blizzard announced a World of Warcraft expansion:

wow

Brunch So Hard

19 Mar

Edward Snowden Has A Fucking Action Figure

21 Feb

No comment.

edward-snowden-action-figure[1]

Kentucky Legislator Accidentally Fires Gun In Capitol, Declares ‘It Happens’

9 Jan

Not an onion article:

LOUISVILLE, Ky (WHAS11) — Kentucky Representative Leslie Combs (D-Pikeville) accidentally fired her handgun in her Capitol Annex office Tuesday, the eastern Kentucky lawmaker confirmed on Wednesday. No injuries were reported.

“I obviously was stunned,” Combs said. “That’s a first.”

Yes, stunning.

The three term representative said her Ruger semi-automatic handgun accidentally fired as she unloaded it while meeting with Representative Jeff Greer (D-Brandenburg).

“I was purposefully disarming it to put it up because I didn’t like it and didn’t want to use it anymore,” Combs explained that she was planning on selling the gun.

“Why at that particular moment? I kind of had it on my brain. I had it in my purse,” Combs said. “I carried it usually, and I thought I want to put that sucker away. And I did. And I was going through the process as I have been trained to do, had it pointed in the proper direction like I’ve been trained, was disarming it like Ive been trained to do, and …like I said I am a gun owner …. it happens.”

It happens. It happens. IT. HAPPENS. This person is a state legislator who states she was trained to handle a firearm. IT DOES NOT USUALLY FUCKING HAPPEN!

Combs said the incident had not prompted her to reconsider whether she would be armed at the Capitol.

“I am a gun owner,” Combs said. “I support the right to bear arms. As a female, particularly for protection rights, I feel the need to carry a firearm not only because I travel here a lot of times but a lot of times at night to Lexington, but in the eastern Kentucky region, it is normal to have that.”

“I go into a lot of areas where I’d feel I need the protection,” Combs told WHAS11. “And I usually always have a firearm on me. But obviously there’s a need for, I will be the first proponent for gun safety at the same time I am also a proponent and support people being able to carry weapons properly and with a concealed carry permit.”

Areas such as the capitol before the State of State address by the governor?

At least some lawmakers have some common sense:

Stumbo recalled that subsequent governors have not reissued an executive order banning guns from the Capitol after it expired when Gov. Paul Patton left office in 2003.

But it is a concern to some lawmakers. Louisville representative Mary Lou Marzian tried to prohibit guns at the capitol several years ago and said the issue should be reconsidered.

“I think we need to look at whether or not we’re going to allow guns around here,” Marzian said. “I think we really have to look at safety, the volatility of a weapon that could go off and really injure somebody.”

That’s entirely too rational. Time for an irrational view from the very person who fired the gun inside the capitol:

Combs is sticking by her Second Amendment rights, and was already planning to replace her gun.

It’s an automatic,” Combs said. “I need to stick with revolvers.”

Nah, I suggest upgrading to fully automatic! No half measures.

Ending The Year With The Dumbest Letter to the Editor Of The Year

31 Dec

The Reading Eagle tends to print any ol’ letter sent into its offices. This year was no exception, from racism to misogyny to political screeds, they print them all. They decided to top themselves to cap off 2013, printing a letter from Betty Jane Lillis. It must be read to be believed:

In response to Adam Wayne’s letter (“God could act in his own time,” Reading Eagle, Dec. 25):

We surely didn’t evolve from apes. How does an ape transform over time to look human?

People are in denial that there is a God and that the Bible is true and accurate. This also falls into the same concept people have about how a person chooses his way of life and makes biblical reference look like an attack.

We are in the era in which people do not want to accept what is in the Bible because it doesn’t give them the freedom to do what God did not intend for his creations to do.

What’s next? Give child molesters rights to offend little ones because they can’t control themselves? Give people the right to steal from another because the victim should share what he has?

People are in denial because to accept the truth means they have to abide by the law of God.

Betty Jane Lillis
Lower Heidelberg Township

Step back from your tablet or computer. Let this sink in. Evolution isn’t real because wtf, how could it be? People are in denial there is a god because they want to live their lives the way they do. If we don’t live by her view of the bible, child molesters will be allowed to ‘offend little ones’. This one has it all, folks.

Have a great 2014, and remember that you’re a piece of shit who needs to follow the bible. Man, do anti-evolutionist live a fun life.

The Top Four Podcasts You Needed To Listen To In 2013

31 Dec

NOTE: Subscribe to these bad boys

1. Modern Day Philosophers with Danny Lobell – The former Comical Radio host breaks free from the terrestrial radio shtick and focuses on what he does best, getting the guard down of hilarious comedians to let them spew their hilarious thoughts. A mish-mash of friends and famous comedians wax philosophic; especially enjoyable is the Fred Stoller episode, who comes in rare form. A treat for all NYC comic fans. By far the greatest find of 2013

2. Four Eyes and a Beard – The so-called ‘afterthoughts’ of far more subscribed-to podcasts The Nerdist and Smodcast, Matt Mira and Scott Mosier originally decided they needed to get to know each other and decided hosting a podcast togetherwas the best way to do that. The listener is lucky they decided this route was the one to travel. The most recent episode involved them doing their best Mystery Science 3000 on Beverly Hills Cops 3, and succeeding to the point that one doesn’t even need to fire the movie itself. The two eclipse the heights of the podcasts from whence they came, and this not-so-humble reviewer is grateful for it.

3. War Rocket Ajax – A podcast about comics, but not really. Matt Wilson and Chris Sims, of the terrific Comics Alliance, discuss way too much wrestling, not enough comics, and have incredible ‘interviews’ that devolve into inside jokes, faux-humor and genuine love for all that is good with superheroes. A must-listen is their discussion with Chris Roberson and Dennis Culver, masterminds behind one of the best comics you’ve also never heard of, Edison Rex.

4. What Say You? – Imagine if there were two guys named Brian Quinn and Sal Vulcano whom have known each other their entire lives, are part of a ridiculously funny television program called Impractical Jokers (on the Tru TV network of all places!) and whose rapport is genuinely intoxicating, and then they up and decided to get down to business and start a podcast? Oh, that’s this thing. Between talking about whether having sex with an 11 out of 10 body with the head of Ted Williams and regaling the listener with the history of Dick Lewis, the two guys bring it the goods. Every freakin’ episode.

What, you wanted more? I’m a busy man, jerks.

Charmin: Assgardians

10 Nov

Charmin, the toilet paper company, tweeted this:

The Law Firm of BABIP, VORP, & Eckstein

26 Oct

Paypal’s Equivalent of a VOID Slot Machine Win Hits A Delco Man

21 Jul

It’s happened before, it’ll happen again; someone checked their online bank account and it stated they had more money than previously thought. Big whoop, right? However, this time’s slightly different:


Delaware County resident Chris Reynolds received just such a shocking delivery from PayPal on Friday, when he opened his monthly statement from the online money-transfer company via email and saw that his ending balance was $92,233,720,368,547,800.

“I’m just feeling like a million bucks,” Reynolds told the Daily News yesterday. “At first I thought that I owed quadrillions. It was quite a big surprise.”

Exciting news! This man now has more than all the money ever created ever in the history of ever! And he’s in our state! Think of the tax revenue:

After absorbing the initial shock, Reynolds logged on to PayPal’s site and saw that his balance was listed there as zero.

Sad trombone.

Shit. Oh well, fun while it lasted. Also, this could be the first time ‘sad trombone’ has been written in the copy of a newspaper article.

In any event, what would’ve this fine upstanding young man have done with the money? Why, buy the Phillies! (and something about pay off debts):

“I’m a very responsible guy,” he said. “I would pay the national debt down first. Then I would buy the Phillies, if I could get a great price.”

Do NOT Suggest Closing The Parliament Bar in Ireland

13 Jul

You WILL feel the wrath.

Jon Stewart Should Be The Ambassador To The World

22 Jun

He’s damn good. Here he is dropping by the Egyptian TV show Al Barhnameg (The Program) to discuss his coming movie:

Congressman Steve Stockman’s Staff Loads Up On Junk Food To Prove Poor People Have It Easy

20 Jun

Congressman Steve Stockman’s staff is eatin’ healthy and ‘beating’ the SNAP challenge:

The “SNAP Challenge,” a left-wing publicity stunt intended to make it appear proposed cuts to food stamps would leave families unable to feed themselves, has been debunked this week by the office of Congressman Steve Stockman.

About 30 House Democrats are participating in the “SNAP Challenge” in which someone must feed themselves on $31.50 a week, which Democrats claim is the level of benefits available to a person under the Farm Bill. Democrats have been intentionally buying overpriced food and shopping at high-priced chains to make it appear the cuts go too far.

Donny Ferguson, who serves as Stockman’s communications director and agriculture policy advisor, was able to buy enough food to eat well for a week on just $27.58, almost four dollars less than the $31.50 “SNAP Challenge” figure.

“I wanted to personally experience the effects of the proposed cuts to food stamps. I didn’t plan ahead or buy strategically, I just saw the publicity stunt and made a snap decision to drive down the street and try it myself. I put my money where my mouth is, and the proposed food stamp cuts are still quite filling,” said Ferguson.

“We can cut the proposed benefits by an additional 12.4 percent and still be able to eat for a week,” said Ferguson. “Not only am I feeding myself for less than the SNAP Challenge, I will probably have food left over.”

So how’d he accomplish this feat and debunk the left-wingers? let’s see his grocery list for a week (which i’m sure he followed to a T):

Ferguson purchased his food at the Dollar Tree and Shopper’s Food Warehouse located in the 6100 block of Little River Turnpike in Alexandria. It is served by Metrobus and within bike and walking distance of public housing.

For $21.55 Ferguson purchased at Dollar Tree:
Two boxes of Honeycomb cereal
Three cans of red beans and rice
Jar of peanut butter
Bottle of grape jelly
Loaf of whole wheat bread
Two cans of refried beans
Box of spaghetti
Large can of pasta sauce
Two liters of root beer
Large box of popsicles
24 servings of Wyler’s fruit drink mix
Eight cups of applesauce
Bag of pinto beans
Bag of rice
Bag of cookies

For $6.03 at the Shoppers Food Warehouse next door Ferguson bought a gallon of milk and a box of maple and brown sugar oatmeal.

real health nut, there. no meat, no veggies, no fruit, lots of sugar and useless junk and non-food like soda. where is ptk when we need him? we could dispatch him to Stocky and Ferguson to teach them how to eat nutritionally. also, maybe we shouldn’t be cutting funding for SNAP if THIS is what he could afford, and is bragging about it. and maybe we shouldn’t be cutting the educational portion of the Ag bill, like the House wanted to.

Congratulations On Your Cancellation, Matthew Perry

13 May

2013 Obama Press Correspondent’s Roast

2 May

Cole Hamels, 1, The Phanatic, And A Mustache Fire Hot Dogs At A Baseball Game

30 Mar

that ol’ joke

whoo

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