Adam Eaton Is The Best At Being The Worst

13 Aug

This guy is freaking amazing at being freaking horrible.  His 6.36 ERA and 1.62 WHIP is goofy, as my main  man Wheels would say.  That ERA is good for dead last in the Major Leagues among starters who qualify. Dead last.  That’s quite impressive.  Dude is an innings-eater though, piling up 133 of them, all of which were quality.  This kind of stellar pitching should not go unnoticed.

Some of the more advanced stats show an even clearer picture of his pitching prowess.  VORP, or the value over a ‘replacement player’ puts him at -10.2.  When speaking of qualified starters, only Jose Contreras is lower at -14.8.  Sure, there are some former starters that have worse stats, but note the word FORMER.  They were removed from the rotation for either sucking so much that their teams couldn’t stand to keep them in there, or they sucked because they were hurt and are now on the disabled list.  It’s quite a feat to be as horrible as Eaton has been and yet still remain in the rotation (and not even hear whispers about him possibly losing his slot).  How long  does it take for Pat Gillick to make the move and bring up a starter such as JA Happ?  What is there to lose by replacing the worst starter in the Major Leagues?  Your pride gets a little hurt?  You have to eat some of that money in the next 2 seasons?

Well I have an idea to help out ol’ Pat!  We are having ourselves an Adam Eaton firesale!!  THIS STUFF HAS TO GO!!!

1.44 K:BB ratio…mmm

22 homers given up….mmmm

5.55 Ks per 9 innings…mmmmm

.303 opponent’s batting average…mmmmmm

TASTY.  And you get it all for the low, low price of 24 million dollars over 3 years!  I know, I know, it’s like we’re giving this shit away!   Don’t let the Phils know I’m doing this, they might think I’m CRAAAAZZZY!!!  All this and more at the Cherry Hill Triplex on Route 70!!!!!! CHECK OUT OUR CRAZY PRICES!


4 Responses to “Adam Eaton Is The Best At Being The Worst”

  1. GM-Carson August 14, 2007 at 9:00 am #

    I fucking hate Adam Eaton!

  2. Chris August 14, 2007 at 10:46 am #


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  1. Another Adam Eaton Gem « I’ve Made a Huge Tiny Mistake - March 27, 2008

    […] man hurts the team and is simply one of the worst pitchers in professional baseball, as I’ve written about before.   Sure, he *could* be considered an innings-eater.  If he was eating those innings […]

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