Archive | May, 2008

The Boston Celtics And LA Lakers Are Squaring Off

31 May

Whatever.  No one under the age of 35 even thinks of this as a ‘rivalry’, I’ll watch, but is it possible this could end in a tie?  Pretty please?  Or maybe just give the trophy to only Kevin Garnett.

This is a preemptive plea to not bring up the word ‘rivalry’.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Mariah Carey Has A Better Arm Than Brett Myers?

30 May

Signing her to a minimum contract wouldn’t cost a lot of money.  Just a thought.

Michael Bourn Is 15th In All-Star Voting For Outfielders

28 May

It seems Houston Astros fans know how to access the world wide interwebs. Michael Bourn has been their centerfielder for the 2008 season, and apparently is on the 2008 All-Star ballot:

Left fielder Carlos Lee, who entered Wednesday leading all NL outfielders with 45 RBIs, was seventh among the league’s outfielders in total votes with 205,247. Hunter Pence was 10th with 168,005. Michael Bourn was 15th with 141,940.

Uh. First of all, why the hell is all-star voting even going on right now?  How can one decide the best first half players in the middle of May? Secondly, Michael Bourn is a horrible baseball player.  Just wretched.  The numbers say all that has to be said:

190 AB, .218 avg, 280 OBP, 311 SLG = 591 OPS

3 doubles, 3 triples, 3 homers, 17 BB to 46 Ks

23-26 SB

WHOA!  AMAZING!!!!  Certainly worthy of nearly 142 K votes by late May…his 591 OPS is good for 3rd worst in the Major Leagues. His OBP is tied for 5th worst. He IS the worst offensive outfielder in the major leagues since Austin Kearns of the Washington Nationals injured himself. Really, the only players worse have lost playing time, but the Astros insist on sending Bourn out there to suck up the joint.

OOOOO, but he’s speedy boy! Gotta vote for him!

Bellyflop!

28 May

Practice your form for the pool Ryan!

Boy Meets World Mondays!!!

26 May

Remember the time Cory got his driver’s license and went joyriding to Atlantic City and his dad got pissed?!?! OMGZ I SO DO REMEMBER THAT!

Horrible Newspaper Articles Penned By Marcus Hayes

22 May

That’s Howard it’s done

You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me with that one?

And the actual bulk of the article? Hayes wrote as though he were typing up a personal blog post:

Not with the all the fannies he puts in the seats: fannies who pay to park their cars, then drink beer, eat Bull’s BBQ and buy “Ryan Howard” jerseys for themselves, “Chase Utley” jerseys for their daughters.

If Howard wants to cash like A-Rod, Manny and Jeter, then he’d better start producing like them. He needs to start winning games, sometimes by himself.

You know. Like he did last night.

He chose to use the word ‘fannies’ twice. And Marcus wrote ‘you know’ in a professional newspaper that devotes pages upon pages to its overblown sports section. You ain’t writing for Huge Tiny Mistake where I allow this sort of trash writing Mr. Hayes. The Philadelphia Daily News deserves better.

I stopped reading once Mr. Marcus Hayes, world-renowned journalist, wrote this gem:

The Phillies entered last night having lost seven of 13.

So they were 6-7 in the last 15 days or so? SO WHAT?! Is that some outstanding number? Go back to 14 games and they’re 7-7. Cut it short at 12 and they’re 6-6. This is a HUGE cherrypick. It’s just offensive to the intelligence of the reader.

I stopped reading the article, but the new ‘interactive’ Philly.com site allows readers to post comments on EVERYTHING, and that’s where all the fun comes in. Let’s peruse a few thoughts from Philly’s phinest:

Marcus, why to you care what Ryan Howard gets paid? Did he pay you to write this, you fat shill.

I wonder if this guy actually read the same article I did…the one where Hayes wondered aloud about Ryan Howard’s output.

Howard needs to realize that putting the ball in play 80+ (234Ks vs 150Ks) more times a year could win some ball games. Some of those will fall in for hits, others could result in errors. I disagree with Marcus, Howard does not deserve A-Rod or Jeter type money. He is not a good fielder and hitting two homers in a blowout does nothing for me. What did he do yesterday and the day before. The Phils scored 1 run in two games. Those are the games where people who want to make 20+ million a year need to produce. If you were starting a team and had to pick one player from the Phils would you pick Howard or Utley. Me, I would take Utley. I also believe Howard should get a contract similar to Utley’s, but he wants a whole lot more. Unless he changes his game, I am will to say goodbye to Howard after the arbitration years. I remember too many long term contracts that have held back the Phillies.

I would pick Feliz, the man can play some defense unlike that bum Howard. He also puts the ball in play!

John in LA, still living in your mom’s basement, dork?

Valid point. Touche. He’s got you there John in LA.

Wow. Some of you really need to get off his jock. Why so much love for a guy that’s been this awful? He didn’t deserve the big deal yet because it is unclear if he will get better, remain steady, or get worse each year if he can’t adjust. It’s loked like the latter unfortunately. Plus, a guy who K’s 200 times a year is going to be had easily in the post season. When the better pitchers come calling and have been coached to hit his weak spots, he’ll be next to useless in crunch time. Teams that make contact win in the postseason, period. With say, Pujols, who doesn’t K much you know he’ll always be dangerous. With Howard, there’s the lingering worry his slumps like the first 7 weeks of this year will be prolonged. Prove he can overcome, and i’ll be the first to approve a huge deal.

Yes, point out the anomly (Pujols). Why can’t Howard improve on his career 979 OPS? He sucks.

Why do people insist that Howard is a horrible fielder at first…his fielding percentage is .991…which is pretty good last I knew….so he’s not the worst 1st baseman as one person stated….here is some other stats that people tend to forget….Howard is a Power Hitter that has and average of 52 HR’s in two seasons….that is sick….plus in his MVP year he did bat .313. His struggles last year were from an leg injury but he did pick it up at the end….this year maybe the pressure of the money now it seems like he’s coming along, he’s been hitting the ball harder among other things….but people always are quick to annoint Chase as the Man and I love Chase, but last I knew, he strikes out quite often himself….

Whatever. Pussy sez what?

Illegal Immigration Myths

22 May

WHOOPS!

20 May

Laz Diaz Had Places To Be

19 May

Our main man Laz Diaz, umpire to the stars, was behind the plate for yesterday’s marathon game between the Phillies and the Toronto Blue Jays.  There were two rain delays and plenty of downtime, but Laz impressed me with the amount of horrible calls he made.  At one point he had to actually yell at the Phillies dugout to tell them to shut up about how shitty his eyesight was.  Let’s go to the videotape:

To discuss your appreciation of how well one Laz Diaz does his job, go here. Everybody’s favorite umpire should be lauded for the way he expanded yesterday’s strike zone throughout the game, to the point where a pitch almost grazing the dirt wound up being marked a strike. Laz, I appreciate you.

Boy Meets World Mondays!!!

19 May

Remember the time Cory had to create a personal history for himself as if he were returning for his high school reunion?!?!?! OMG THE HILARITY

Kidd Chris Is Canned, Fired, and Gone?

16 May

I thought something was amiss when I heard a ‘best of’ being played this morning:

WYSP/Philadelphia has fired morning show host Kidd Chris and program director John Cook due to the airing of a racist song. The song “Schwoogies” was originally performed by Lady Gash in the studio on March 21 and sung to the tune of Blondie‘s “Call Me.” The song aired a few times before it became an issue resulting in the terminations.

“We found the song to be highly offensive and completely inappropriate for broadcast on our airwaves. When senior management of the station learned that it had been played, they took immediate steps to prevent it from ever appearing on the station again,” CBS Radio spokeswoman Karen Mateo told FMQB. “At the same time, we launched an extensive internal investigation into the situation including a thorough review of the editorial controls and systems we have in place to prevent this type of content from airing. We instituted additional educational training for the station, and have taken appropriate disciplinary action, including termination of the individuals involved.”

It WAS pretty offensive. Didn’t it play months ago though? I wonder where Foley will end up. I never understood why he placated all the racist stuff from some of the regular callers. It wasn’t really needed for the show to be funny.

For fans of the show: Half-Ninja (Chris McDevitt) reports there’s a party at Levy’s Comedy Club tonight.

King Cole Hamels Makes It Look Too Easy

16 May

Mr. Cole Hamels up and dominated last night in a game that took only 2 hours and 13 minutes. He went the distance, giving up only 4 hits and walking 2 batters in 9 innings.  Mr. Hamels’ ERA now sits at 2.89 and he has 54 Ks in 65.1 IP. The only downside was it took 120 pitches to get there, and manager Charlie Manuel has been keeping Hamels in the game longer than last season, such as when he threw 121 pitches against Milwaukee on April 23rd.  I would hope that Manuel keeps an eye on this and makes sure Hamels doesn’t routinely hit 120.  This isn’t the 50s when teams would run a pitcher ragged and ride him until he breaks.

Still, it’s a great sign that Hamels has been pitching so well, considering he’s the anchor of this rotation.  He’s been the only consistently good starter on this team. With the other four being so up and down it’s great to have a probable win every 5 games.

Oh, and he had 2 more hits and is hitting .320 for the season.  It always helps to have the pitcher collect a couple of hits and be more than an absolute void at the bottom of the lineup.

Manny Ramirez Is Like The Coolest Ever

14 May

In-game handslap action = Awesome

In-game handslap action in the middle of a double play from LF to 1B = Like the coolest thing of all-time in the history of people catching balls with gloves

Brad Lidge Had To Give A Run Up Sometime

14 May

It took until May 13th for Brad Lidge to let a runner touch home plate. Quite an impressive feat considering he’s pitched in 18 innings thus far this season.  The first 17 were scoreless and he was lights out during that stretch, but last night he finally gave up a double to Brian McCann which scored a run.  Even that was a play that was misplayed in the field by Jayson Werth:

Lidge then walked Greg Norton, but retired Jeff Francoeur on a fly to right field to end it.

“I read the swing, the crowd was yelling and I wasn’t able to hear the contact,” Werth said. “It was a one-handed swing. I read in all the way. It was definitely a miscue. You learn from it.”

Well, I’ll let Lidge slide on this one, even though his ERA has now ballooned to 0.50. However, I’ll be on his ass quicker than all hell if I see this guy give up another run throughout this season.  Jerkface.

Scott Mathieson’s Arm Is Falling Off

12 May

Maybe this guy needs to develop some technical or computer skills because this pitching thing ain’t working out. Scott Mathieson is still being bothered by setbacks from his Tommy John surgery and it could affect the future of his floundering career:

Mathieson, the team’s 17th-round pick in 2002, has seen team physician Michael Ciccotti and noted orthopedic surgeons Lew Yocum, who performed the first surgery, and James Andrews, who will perform the second surgery, for opinions on his right elbow. His latest MRI shows the ligament is intact, but stretched out. Andrews will scope the elbow first, but Phillies athletic trainer Scott Sheridan said a second Tommy John is most likely.

Mathieson could be a good reliever or average starter if his body would cooperate. Sadly this may not be in the cards for the Phillies, and perhaps Mathieson might have to give up his dream of being a big league pitcher. There are some success stories, but it looks like most people who have multiple Tommy John surgeries just don’t resurface as major league talent.

Good luck to Scott, but I’m wondering if he should put himself through this sort of long, slow process again. He may just not be built to do this stuff.

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