Your Right To Call Apple/Grape Juice ‘Pomegranate Blueberry’

22 Apr

For your consideration, Supreme Court:

If “Coca-Cola stands behind this label as being fair to consumers,” he said, “then I think you have a very difficult case to make. I think it’s relevant for us to ask whether people are cheated in buying this product.”

Justice Kennedy’s question seemed in keeping with the court’s general skepticism about Coca-Cola’s arguments that it could not be sued by a rival for false advertising over the label.

The product in question, sold under Coca-Cola’s Minute Maid brand, is made almost entirely from apple and grape juice. But it is called “Pomegranate Blueberry,” followed in smaller type by the words “Flavored Blend of 5 Juices.”

Well, what’s almost entirely apple and grape juice???

The label shows a pomegranate and blueberries in front of an apple and grapes. The juices are dyed dark purple. But the beverage contains no more than trace amounts of the two featured juices. It is 0.3 percent pomegranate juice and 0.2 percent blueberry juice. Pom Wonderful, which sells pomegranate juice, is suing for false advertising.

Bizcourt-master180[1]Oh, I see.  So what the hell’s the argument for labelling obvious grape/apple blend in this manner? Coca-Cola:

“We don’t think that consumers are quite as unintelligent as Pom must think they are,” she said. “They know when something is a flavored blend of five juices and the nonpredominant juices are just a flavor.”

Usually when something is advertised as Pomegranate Blueberry I just assume it’s mostly full of apple and grape juice, but a Supreme Court justice isn’t similarily-minded:

Justice Kennedy frowned. “Don’t make me feel bad,” he said, “because I thought that this was pomegranate juice.”

That idiot Kennedy thought it was full of pomegranate just because it had pomegranate on the label, was advertised as full of pomegranate juice and was dyed a color that would be the equivalent of blueberry and pomegranate! Why, another justice seems similarily dense:

Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. asked whether that was realistic. “You don’t think there are a lot of people who buy pomegranate juice because they think it has health benefits, and they would be very surprised to find when they bring home this bottle that’s got a big picture of a pomegranate on it, and it says ‘pomegranate’ on it, that it is — what is it — less than one half of 1 percent pomegranate juice?” he asked.

Come on Coke, defend yourselves from these spurious arguments:

“We’re not talking here about safety,” she said. “We’re talking here about labeling so that consumers have adequate information, at the same time as manufacturers are not put to the burdens and inefficiencies of having constantly shifting labeling standards imposed by juries, which ultimately will cost more to the consumer.”

Yeah! Since we originally labelled it Blueberry Pomegranate, it’s going to cost money to change it to Apple/Grape w/ a splash, and that’s not fair.  Why didn’t you tell us to begin with that we should label things to align with the ingredients inside?!

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